To the Girl He Loved After Me

I think you’re really pretty.

I used to hate thinking you were really pretty.

I used to wish you were plain; I used to wish you were boring.

I used to wish you had dead bodies in your closet or that your Instagram photos weren’t so freakin’ cute.

Because maybe then he wouldn’t have chosen you.

But a few months ago, I had a life altering realization.

And that is why I’m writing this letter.


I’ve been wanting to have this conversation with you for a while because I feel that I owe you an explanation as to why I was in love with your love for so long.

I know he’s yours now.

But he was once mine.

And we were once happy.

For six months, I was the one who lifted him up and made him feel like a little kid. I was the one racing him down sidewalks and watching him scream I love you at the top of his lungs. I was the one wearing his high school t-shirts and sleeping next to him every other night. I was making him happy.

I was his.

Because you weren’t there.

He had never said your name before.

He had no idea that you even existed.

And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy the days when you were nonexistent.


The months before I heard your name for the first time were the most beautifully tragic months I’ve ever lived through.

I remember the way he looked at me after he heard me sing for the first time. He counted how many times we made eye contact that night and it turned out to be about 30 times… We were kind of ridiculous like that.

I remember when I held his hand for the first time. We were watching a movie in my dorm room when he held his hand out and asked me to lie down next to him. I threw a pillow at his face because I was so embarrassed and shy… but after his third attempt, I took his hand anyway.

I remember when he accidentally told me he loved me almost every single day after we’d been dating for two weeks. I’d say something funny and he’d reply, “Ah… and that’s why I love you.” Then he’d run away screaming, “IT WAS AN ACCIDENT PRETEND I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING!

I remember the moment I thought I realized he was not the guy I was going to end up with.

I remember being wrong.

I remember watching our love tailspin to rock bottom when I became insecure with the relationship and demanded unrealistic things from him.

I remember leaving him.

I remember regretting it.

I remember feeling so far away from God because I believed He had taken the only true love I’d ever experienced away from me like He was tearing skin from the bone.

I remember not leaving my bed for three months.

I remember hearing your name for the first time.

I remember crying.

A lot.

I remember the bad months just as much as the good months.

And I honestly can’t tell you which ones hurt more.


I sometimes wish I would forget all the sweet facts that make up who he is as a person.

But I memorized them as I’m sure you have.

We both know he’s an introvert who tries exceptionally hard to be an extrovert. We both know he loves capes for some reason. We both know he suffers from occasional crippling anxiety. We both know how much he loves milk. We both know he loves pulling pranks but is also terrified of getting in trouble because he’s a good boy at heart. We both know that he h8s h8ers. And we both know his darling mother means more to him than either of us ever could.

We both know him fairly well.

You more so than I.

But then again, you held his hand much longer than I did.


I never so strongly believed in a love like I believed in him.

He was the one.

Was.

Not too long ago, I moved on and I now believe in a new love.

A steadier love.

And I truly believe there is more than one person out there in the world that we are meant to be with.

Because if there’s only one, then wow, we’re all screwed.


So if I’m no longer in love with him… why did I decide to write this?

Because I want you to know that I feel no resentment toward you.

And that I just really hope you make him happy.

Because that is all I ever wanted to give him.

Happiness.

His happiness meant more to me than my own. I was unable to give him the happiness he needed.

And it almost killed me.

But I hope in the end everything works out better for you.

And I hope you get to be with the love of our lives because you really do deserve to be happy.

I hope that if you ever decide to leave, he’ll love you enough to stop you at the door and kiss you until you decide to stay.

I hope you turn around and promise that you’ll never leave his side.

I hope you don’t make the same mistake I did.

I hope you stay.

Because one of us has to.

And it’s much too late for me.

I hope your love lasts much longer than ours ever did, and I hope you don’t see me as his ex-love who is resentful because I no longer carry his heart around.

I’m merely the girl who was meant to love him right before you came along.

And even though I didn’t know that for a very very long time (I may not have known it until I finished writing this letter), I know it now. And it’s a role I’m not ashamed to play.

Because at least I got him for six months.

At least I had enough time to memorize him completely.

At least I have his love safe in my heart so I can revisit it whenever I miss him.

I do miss him.

A lot sometimes.

But I’m always reassured with the beautiful fact that he has you.

And you won’t leave him.


And that is why I wrote this for you.

Because I think you’re really pretty, and I think it may in fact be forever between you two.

And if you were meant to be his life long love story,

Then I’m just happy to be the prologue.

Love,

The girl he loved before you

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.

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Facebook – Becca Tremmel

Instagram – @littlelionbecca

Twitter – @beccatremmel

49 Comments

  1. I love this. When my darling man and I started living together it came to light on social media and his ex sent him a card that looked like a thank you card. We opened it together because he had promised me he wasn’t in contact with her because I felt she was very disrespectful to our relationship (sending him inappropriate text messages and professing her love for him) when we opened the thank you card it said “for being the biggest mistake of my life” and I felt just a wave of sympathy for this poor girl he had hurt so badly by moving on. Then, a year later we fell pregnant and lost a baby. We decided to try for another baby and when we got pregnant we announced our pregnancy with beautiful pictures done by a friend. I received a message from the girl the next day stating I didn’t “understand the concept of contraception” and it was just filled with hateful words and pure anger. I again felt sympathy for her. I wish she could take the road you have taken becca! Good for you for loving someone enough to want happiness for them and not being a child when the person you loved the most finds someone they love more in the future.

  2. Very deep and great insight. I was married to him for 25 years when she came around. He left me and the two almost adult daughters. It took me s long time but there r days I want to actually thank her. Just hope that when he is 75 and she is 62 that she rembered to wipe his chin.

  3. I relate to this so much. I’ve never been able to put it into words but in this poem you did it so well. The emotions of being his then losing him. The hurt of once knowing him better than anyone else. How you are able to like the new girl he is with because they may clip better together. Wishing him happiness without you. But also understanding you can love someone afterwards but that he will also be there in the back of the mind.

  4. just wanna share my experience with everyone how i got my ex back and saved my marriage,because i really love my husband so much that i can not even do without him I think i am incomplete without him by my side. I was married for 9years with my husband and 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting rough and we had fights and arguments all the time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change and stay with me because i dont want to lose him and i love him with all my heart but things didn’t work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… All this stopped when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me with love spell… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 2 days my husband called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had costed me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy with my husband. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems around me and they all had good result….. Send him a mail via (abuyespelltemple@gmail.com) Don’t give up yet, you will feel good and happy so make effort to save your marriage or relationship if it’s truly worth it……..

  5. What a beautiful way to heal. Only people that truly love can write something like this, because it is said that true love is putting someone else’s happiness above your own. You have put his happiness above your own. True Love… Isnt it beautiful and heart wrenching at times.

  6. Ugh… That just ripped me right back open… But at the same time I think I needed that. I’m glad I found this and that it was written by you. Thank you for sharing.

  7. I was with him for 9 months loved him dearly then you came along and he loved you and you loved him & I hated you at first but now you’re not such a bad person & if your who he loves & you love him , I’m happy for you

  8. This hurt me so bad because of how true it was. You’re a great writer and said everything I’ve been feeling but never had to words to say it. You’re wonderful and special in your own way and you’re pretty too. Stay strong. 🙂

  9. Thanks for writing this. Sometimes I worry that there is only one person out there for us to love, and as you said that we’re “screwed”. But then I look at my grandmother who has been married twice and just found love again at age 85, and I know that life comes in sections and it’s amazing.

  10. I was with him for five years,,, he found someone that made him happier than I ever could and cheated on me. I was angry for a long time but then I meet my husband and I realized that it didn’t work out with me and my ex so that he could finally be happy and so could i, even though I thought that we were happy, I came to realize we weren’t. So in the long run I’m glad he found her and it broke me the way it did, I thank him and her both its made me a better person and made me learn what love really is and how much I really can love one person.

  11. this was a perfect summation of how u feel when someone u love has found someone else. If u really love that person u are sad and u will miss them, but u are happy they have found love. I have been the old girlfriend and the new wife. Perfectly written.

  12. This makes my heart melt. I can relate to everything and cant hold the tears back from streaming down my face. I realize im not the only one. It happens to the best of us. The real test is how we deal with it afterwards. I hate not knowing if il ever be able to feel that way again. And if il ever stop thinking about how fucked up things are now. Either way, theres nothing to do about it but leave the past in the past, live in the present, and move forward…

  13. I like what you wrote and the words ante painfully etched. For any girl to feel like this…no man is ever worth this ache. No one! Believe me i know…just hope you find your home too 🙂

  14. This gave me goose bumps. I don’t think I’ve ever realized anything like this, until I read this. It completely works. I wish I could have said this to the one who has my ex now. Your a beautiful writer. I only wish I had a heart like you do for someone that takes your place. Amazing!!

  15. I don’t really see where other people are coming from calling this selfless, making this out to be you being the bigger person. Don’t get me wrong, this is beautiful and I’m sure well meant but it wasn’t so much for this new girl as it was for you, not truthfully was it?

    Because if it was meant for her, this other girl who came after you, there would be no need to go over the your relationship with him, would there? Would you want to hear about the cute and intimate things your boyfriend did with his ex girlfriend? Would you need validation from your boyfriends ex that you are pretty, that your boyfriend is a keeper? Most people wouldn’t. You’re smart enough to know that. I know because you’re intelligent enough to realize you screwed up with this guy, and decent enough to wish him happiness with his new girlfriend without wishing ill on either of them.

    But the people who read your letter aren’t quite correct in thinking it’s so selfless of you. This was about closure, about you letting go. And even if this letter wasn’t exactly selfless, it was meaningful and I think people might see the honour in the way you behaved, might want to be more like that. And for that reason I am glad you wrote this letter.

    People need to realise that just because someone you love moves on or stops loving you doesn’t make them a bad person. Just because they choose someone else doesn’t make the person they chose the enemy. You’ve captured that here and so I’ll tip my hat to you.

    I wish you luck in all you do in the future and I hope you remember to hold on to what makes you happy the next time around.

    1. That is so so hard though when they stop loving you…. my husband has stopped loving me and we have had 8 years together and it hurts me so bad to think about just letting him go and not fight for him to start loving me again. i just know in my head he never will. He needs someone new, just like a new toy it gets old he said…. he is tired of me and im not new anyone so he stopped loving me. he hates me so much and hates being around me. I live to love him, he lives to hurt me. it so hard to look at this life we’ve built together and our 4 beautiful baby girls we made and think this is it its over completely. I just don’t want to think about it. I don’t want him to love another. He says no one will and can love me because i don’t deserve it. NO one will ever love me.

  16. This is absolutely beautiful! I literally started tearing up because this piece hit home for me. It’s as though you were telling my story. Indeed watching your LOVE love someone else is so heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing this!

  17. I cried so much because this hit home I was with him for two years and people should say you should let him go it’s hard when your still broken and he’s ok but I have yet to find that special someone you sounderstand lIke you got it right I applaud you this is amazing

  18. Well put u have a great heart I have been with my husband 12yrs n been married 2 him 7yrs n in this time he has been cin this person all this time yes he was married b 4 me n in that time cin the same person well married had I known I wouldn’t have ever gotten married 2 him yes we r still married n yes I make sure he knows every day I’m his wife n no he don’t know that I know who she is n that they r cin each other I just found out 4days ago that they r 2gethere when they can b so ty u 4 writein this 😊

  19. This is so freaking beautiful. It gave me goosebumps while reading it. Love is such a strong word and feeling. It has a lot of different means in the way it’s used. But to love a stranger is strong. You look for the forever when your in a relationship, but what you should be looking for is the next moment you have together. You never know when, why or how it’s going to end. Charrish every moment you have with your love because you never know when the time will end. I remember laying next to the love of my life one night, in his arm thinking LOVE this man so much I never want to lose him. And the next day after being together for 3 1/2 years he’s leaving me to go back to California. Watching him walk away was the headrest part. It was all over and I knew it I just didn’t want to believe it was happening to me. No woman or man wants that feeling. Now I know he’s moved on and there’s nothing I can do about it ,just wish him luck and keep moving forward. Everyone has the love that they want to last but if you love someone so much you have to set them free. Love will always be around you, you just have to find that right one that loves you just as much as you love them.

  20. Did you ever actually send this to her? I am in a similar situation and I rewrote this using my own stories and I think sending it might give me some closure but I’m not sure

  21. I was in a relationship with him for a year & a half. I thought it was forever, but when I realized forever wasn’t going to be forever, i knew i was in for a hell of a heartbreak. I loved him then & i love him now. & it’s only been about four months since I broke up with him. We were gonna try to work things out, but false statements went around & ruined all hope for it working, but it’s okay. At least, i wanna think its okay. I hope she stays for him. I hope she is everything that I wasn’t.

  22. Reading this made me feel like I wasn’t the only one going through it. Only difference is you somed it up so beautifully!

  23. Heart Wrenching story. You are a great writer, and so unselfish. If you love someone , set them free . I so enjoyed reading your blog. I hope you find the true one for you , for life. * Love Hurts * a song that kept coming to mind, as I read this. May your life be filled with happiness , Best Wishes.

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