To the Girl He Loved After Me

I think you’re really pretty.

I used to hate thinking you were really pretty.

I used to wish you were plain; I used to wish you were boring.

I used to wish you had dead bodies in your closet or that your Instagram photos weren’t so freakin’ cute.

Because maybe then he wouldn’t have chosen you.

But a few months ago, I had a life altering realization.

And that is why I’m writing this letter.


I’ve been wanting to have this conversation with you for a while because I feel that I owe you an explanation as to why I was in love with your love for so long.

I know he’s yours now.

But he was once mine.

And we were once happy.

For six months, I was the one who lifted him up and made him feel like a little kid. I was the one racing him down sidewalks and watching him scream I love you at the top of his lungs. I was the one wearing his high school t-shirts and sleeping next to him every other night. I was making him happy.

I was his.

Because you weren’t there.

He had never said your name before.

He had no idea that you even existed.

And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy the days when you were nonexistent.


The months before I heard your name for the first time were the most beautifully tragic months I’ve ever lived through.

I remember the way he looked at me after he heard me sing for the first time. He counted how many times we made eye contact that night and it turned out to be about 30 times… We were kind of ridiculous like that.

I remember when I held his hand for the first time. We were watching a movie in my dorm room when he held his hand out and asked me to lie down next to him. I threw a pillow at his face because I was so embarrassed and shy… but after his third attempt, I took his hand anyway.

I remember when he accidentally told me he loved me almost every single day after we’d been dating for two weeks. I’d say something funny and he’d reply, “Ah… and that’s why I love you.” Then he’d run away screaming, “IT WAS AN ACCIDENT PRETEND I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING!

I remember the moment I thought I realized he was not the guy I was going to end up with.

I remember being wrong.

I remember watching our love tailspin to rock bottom when I became insecure with the relationship and demanded unrealistic things from him.

I remember leaving him.

I remember regretting it.

I remember feeling so far away from God because I believed He had taken the only true love I’d ever experienced away from me like He was tearing skin from the bone.

I remember not leaving my bed for three months.

I remember hearing your name for the first time.

I remember crying.

A lot.

I remember the bad months just as much as the good months.

And I honestly can’t tell you which ones hurt more.


I sometimes wish I would forget all the sweet facts that make up who he is as a person.

But I memorized them as I’m sure you have.

We both know he’s an introvert who tries exceptionally hard to be an extrovert. We both know he loves capes for some reason. We both know he suffers from occasional crippling anxiety. We both know how much he loves milk. We both know he loves pulling pranks but is also terrified of getting in trouble because he’s a good boy at heart. We both know that he h8s h8ers. And we both know his darling mother means more to him than either of us ever could.

We both know him fairly well.

You more so than I.

But then again, you held his hand much longer than I did.


I never so strongly believed in a love like I believed in him.

He was the one.

Was.

Not too long ago, I moved on and I now believe in a new love.

A steadier love.

And I truly believe there is more than one person out there in the world that we are meant to be with.

Because if there’s only one, then wow, we’re all screwed.


So if I’m no longer in love with him… why did I decide to write this?

Because I want you to know that I feel no resentment toward you.

And that I just really hope you make him happy.

Because that is all I ever wanted to give him.

Happiness.

His happiness meant more to me than my own. I was unable to give him the happiness he needed.

And it almost killed me.

But I hope in the end everything works out better for you.

And I hope you get to be with the love of our lives because you really do deserve to be happy.

I hope that if you ever decide to leave, he’ll love you enough to stop you at the door and kiss you until you decide to stay.

I hope you turn around and promise that you’ll never leave his side.

I hope you don’t make the same mistake I did.

I hope you stay.

Because one of us has to.

And it’s much too late for me.

I hope your love lasts much longer than ours ever did, and I hope you don’t see me as his ex-love who is resentful because I no longer carry his heart around.

I’m merely the girl who was meant to love him right before you came along.

And even though I didn’t know that for a very very long time (I may not have known it until I finished writing this letter), I know it now. And it’s a role I’m not ashamed to play.

Because at least I got him for six months.

At least I had enough time to memorize him completely.

At least I have his love safe in my heart so I can revisit it whenever I miss him.

I do miss him.

A lot sometimes.

But I’m always reassured with the beautiful fact that he has you.

And you won’t leave him.


And that is why I wrote this for you.

Because I think you’re really pretty, and I think it may in fact be forever between you two.

And if you were meant to be his life long love story,

Then I’m just happy to be the prologue.

Love,

The girl he loved before you

.

.

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Facebook –Β Becca Tremmel

Instagram – @littlelionbecca

Twitter –Β @beccatremmel

53 Comments

  1. Can anyone tell me the name to this song!! The chocolate one? Tried googling it can’t find it at all! Please help lol love this blog too!

  2. This was beautifully written. I recently have gotten out of a relationship. He was beautiful, a good person at heart and at the end he betrayed me. He would tell me the night before that he loved me. That I was his gem, his love, his everything. He was my best friend, my back bone, my treasure. Still he turned around into someone I didn’t recognize. He did something that I would least expect from him. The betrayal hurts, a lot. I love how you say that you have no idea if the beautiful memories hurt more than the bad ones or vice versa because I have no idea either. I trusted him with my life and reading this gave me a perspective of someone else kinda going through the same thing. I appreciate that. You are a very strong woman. I’m proud of how far you come.

  3. My heart aches with familiarity, reading this. He was my best friend for 4 years. I know him and he knows me like no one else. But it took a short few weeks of mutual professed love and dreams of forever to change our relationship from best friends to lovers to acquaintances. I’m grateful we did, because if we hadn’t tried, we might still be holding out for one another. He met someone a few months ago (8 months of heartache from both of us, later) and I can tell by the way he talks about her, by the pictures and by the inevitable drastic reduction of calls/texts to me, that he’s happy. Really happy. They live more similar lives, same goals. We love(d) eachother so much, our differences didn’t matter, until we tried to envision making a life together, as a couple. I miss my best friend. A LOT. But I have to let him go. I can’t be his placeholder, nor him, mine. We tried and realized we were meant to be friends. But I still miss what we had before that. She is providing what I used to, for him. She should. That’s how I know he’s happy. I love him so I want him happy. I’m able to see past him now to find the man to make me happy, now. My heart will always miss what we had, though…

  4. Everything I could never find the words to say… I miss him too often sometimes, but I chalk it up to lessons learned. Funny how life happens. And thank the good lord he allows us more than one chance @ a happily ever after!

  5. To the girl he loved before me
    Yes I wonder if he thinks of you sometimes. I wonder if he thinks he’d be happier by your side.
    I wonder if he sees traits in me that he once saw in you. I wonder if that’s why he loves me now.
    I do make him happy now and there’s nothing more than I want for him but the best, I just hope the best is me.
    Although you may have made him happy before I would be lying if I told you I don’t want to do better than you. I want to be the one who’d never leave, to be the one he would never leave.
    Our start wasn’t the fairytale beginning but I will work towards that fairytale end. And though you showed him a certain kind of love I want to show him the deepest kind, the kind that awakens the soul that breathes fire into his life.
    I thank you for showing him the man he could be, but now I want to show him the man he will be.
    Although you are a part of his past I appreciate what you did for our future.

    Sincerely,
    the girl he loves now.

  6. I know what it is like to be the girl to hold the place for the girl that is supposed to walk in and make him smile more than anything. I know what it is like to have your heart ripped out of your chest by a man that loved you but now loves someone more than you now. I know that pain… It’s a temporary pain..

  7. Wow. Came across this on Facebook. Let me tell you, I’ve felt like this twice in my life. Where I couldn’t find the words to truly express it, you have, and I thank you for that. But let me tell you this. I have found my forever Love. And he has been greater than I ever dreamed. He took a little longer to show up than I thought he would. But being with him made me realize why it could never work with the other two. A piece of my heart still belongs to them, but he has my entire heart and understands that it has belonged to others before and completely excepts that. Without those two relationships, I wouldn’t be whoni am today. And I can assure I am much stronger now than I was then. I wish you the best in your pursuit of finding love. You deserve it.

  8. That was beautiful heartfelt and strong every girl should read this and take a long look at herself hopefully it will help some of them feel better and realize this is what God meant to happen

  9. I seriously cried reading this:( it’s like you wrote what was in my head already, and you did it very well πŸ™‚

  10. This is beautifully written. I completely lost it reading this blog; I’ve never been able to relate so closely to a stranger before. Replace 6 months with 2 1/2 years, and we share the same story. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. It is beyond amazing.

  11. First of all almost every word of this is true for me, the situation, except he broke my heart and left me. I haven’t quite accepted that he doesn’t love me anymore, maybe never did, and I’m trying really hard to be happy for his new love, but it still hurts like a buckshot most days. Thank you for writing this, I needed this, you even published it on my birthday, so thank you because I feel like you wrote this for me, because these are the words I need to be able to say.

  12. This just made me cry. I can relate to a lot of these feelings.. Although I don’t see myself reaching this level of acceptance. Kudos to you. That couldn’t have been easy !

  13. It almost like you spoke my mind but our backstories varies on certain activities and things I noticed about him. You nailed it in the head how I feel about his new wife. My question is how long does it take you to move on and stop wondering? Have you completely cut him off from all social media and whatnot? I think im getting to the point where im nearly ready but damn. It’s hard to watch.

  14. This is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!! whoever wrote this can u please email me? Id love to talk to u and share something i wrote very similiar to this not to long ago. Again this is so beautifully written UR AMAZING!!!

  15. This touched me, reading this poem was an absolute pleasure! I can relate in most sense where you are coming from, thank you for putting into words, what i couldnt. Best wishes to you, and hope you find the right man for you!

  16. Thank you! I really needed this and even though I made the mistake of texting him with your link and his new girlfriend couldn’t appreciate this, it reassures me that it’s okay to move on and let it. My ultimate goal right now is to be the best woman I can be. Best of wishes to you and your journey.

  17. I honestly can relate so much to this. I was with my ex for a year and a half and I was sure he was the one. Our love started falling apart and I fought and fought to keep it alive. When we couldn’t salvage it we both walked away. The tough part… we work closely together and his new girlfriend is my friend and next door neighbor. He knocks on my door to see how I am doing before he goes into her room. It does hurt because all I want is for him to be happy because I finally am. I know it was for the best but part of me will always wonder what if.

  18. this brought me to tears :C I can relate, maybe not in the same way but I know how it feels to almost have the world taken from you. Just know that you’re not the only one suffering this way <3

  19. It seems you let a six month relationship almost rule your life.
    It seems you have moved on to another relationship. What I wish for you. Is to know youself so well that you do no feel responsible for the choices others make. There will always be someone new prettier, smarter, funnier,richer or just different than you. YOU are the one that matters. YOU are the one that makes your choices. Live the life you deserve learn and grow into the happiest most comfortable woman you can be.
    Me I learned from mistakes, married too young, became a Mom before I was grown into my own. I have two beautiful daughters that are my world. They have given me 5 grandaughters ,all very different from each other. MY husband cheated and moved on. I fought to be the best MOM I could be. I never regret the cuves life threw at me. I have married, widowed again leaving me with the two best daughters anyone would want. I am married to a wonderful man that has remained by my side in my darkest days
    Take care of your heartπŸ’œ

  20. This perfectly described the feeling I have felt for a year now. This is the best read I have had in a long time, thank you. πŸ’™

  21. Very powerful. It made me tear up a little. A 4 year relationship is a long time.. abusive. No communication. I made the bread while he didnt even had a leg to stand on. I found someone better who.. I just don’t think I deserve just because of what I was put through. But this article… it made me feel like… it’s okay to let go. Yes I’m sad. Yes I cry but I try to hold it when I’m around the one who treats me oh so well. Like he doesn’t deserve to see me like that. Crying over what had been. But it’s okay. I’m okay…

    1. 😞 Keep your head up Hun. God, time, and your new guy will heal your wounds. Try to focus on what’s ahead and stay positive. πŸ’•πŸ’• I’ve been there before…

  22. Wow your amazing I don’t have the guts to write to my exs girlfriend about how I loved him and how he was the best but you did and honestly that’s amazing my ex broke my heart now I’m just having the guts to try again but this time with my best friend of 8 years And it’s never been better so thank you for sharing your story with us i hope it works out for the best

  23. Thank you so much for writing this so eloquently. You put into words everything I haven’t been able to. I am in the middle of experiencing all of these same realizations right now, and finding peace. Thank you so much. So, so, much. Praying for blessings to you and your journey as God lays down the path before you. Much love.

  24. omg!… know exactly how this feels.. we were once here.. & now we are trying again.. and i dont think ive ever been happier, than knowing our family can be back together!

    1. beautifully written, I understand your pain and know the feeling of losing someone you love to someone else.. indescribable feeling of self destruction to have no control over something you love so much slipping through your fingers. The good thing is the days get better and time does heal. be strong and be you – things happen for a reason and he just was not meant to stay with you as you carry through the rest of life’s journey. I promise you will stumble upon someone else who will make you realized it was all wroth the while.

      with love, hope and strength.

    2. The love between two people is a bond that builds that so strong mentally physically and emotionally that once the bond breaks its like uve lost all control. I was with my man for 5 wonderful years. I brought two amazing kids in the relationship which seemed to be the answer to all our prayers. He loved them like they were his own and that was the most wonderful feeling. Not only to find sumone who excepts me for me but my children as well. His family accepted us with open arms. It was like we were always there. We didn’t have to fit n we were excepted in as there own. The love with his family showed everyday towards us. We made us our own home there with his family with what we had. Loving each other everyday making sure not to go to bed feeling unwanted or not appreciated. We did this for the first 3 years the love was never questioned. But sumthing changed days became weeks, weeks became months, n soon months became our last 2 years together. We found ourselves living in this vicious downward spiral with this constant fighting, questioning eachothers honesty, faithfulness, trustworthiness, loyalty, enjoyment of being around one another, the love with the kids, money, even fighting about little things that some say don’t mean much but to me they mean more then the big. We both knew we were at are lowest darkest point in relationship but for some reason if we ever tried to leave one another wed never go through with it… No matter how bad, hurtful, and abusive yes it was at the point we had came abusive with one another. We had hit our lowest but we knew we loved eachother through it all… I guess that’s what kept us always running back to one another. We knew the love was still there sumwhere but that sumwhere throughout the years it got lost… Honestly we both ended up going through separate situations during a time of seperation and this is what finally brought me n him to our ending… I love this man with all my heart more then I can explain to ny one… More then he will exer know. My love for him will never fade. The time I had with him was the best time I’ve ever experienced with a man he became a wonderful father to my children n I will never but him down if sumone ask him about me because what I went through with him made me who I am today and I wld like to say Thank You to him for being part of my life. I will always love u doe that n u will always have a part n my heart for everything uve done….

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