Okay the title may be a little aggressive
But it’s meant to come across as urgent.
Because you need to just freaking say it.
Like right now.
Do you not know what I’m talking about?
That thing you’ve been dying to say for the past month, year, decade, entire life?
Those words that have been slowly rotting inside of you desperately trying to claw their way out of your mouth and into the world?
Still not catching on?
Okay, well let me tell you some stories that will clear things up.
My sophomore year of college,
I went a little…
I was struggling with some pretty violent mental illnesses that devoured my ability to empathize with other human beings.
I had an immense sense of pride.
Several people chose to walk out of my life around that time because they weren’t able to handle my negativity or aggression.
I was impacting them in extremely hurtful ways.
I was toxic.
But I couldn’t admit it to myself.
I was perfect.
I had never done anything wrong or purposely hurt someone in my entire life.
Everything was about me and my well-being
No one else’s.
Looking back on it now, I realize that I wasn’t trying to hurt these people that I loved so dearly.
I just wasn’t in the state of mind to admit that I was wrong or unhealthy.
I demanded support without giving any back to them in return and it was unbelievably frustrating.
My stubborn little head could not wrap itself around the fact that I could be…
Maybe just a little bit…
In turn, the consequences were absolutely disastrous.
My loved ones were dropping out of my life like flies
And I couldn’t stop it.
Or wouldn’t, I should say.
Because now thinking the entire situation through up, down and sideways,
I could’ve stopped it.
By admitting I was wrong.
And I could’ve actively tried to mend these disintegrating bridges by swallowing my misplaced pride and telling these people just how much I loved them and that their relationships meant way more to me than a stupid, popular blog or my newfound proud reputation.
It’s a lot easier said than done, though.
I’ve been given the very fortunate gift of new relationships and friendships that completely changed my way of thinking.
When the time came and fights occurred with these loved ones,
They always reached out
Called me at 4am,
Wrote me a letter,
Knocked on my door at 3am,
Just to say sorry and tell me that they loved me.
It shattered my beliefs.
Because I appreciated it so much when they showed me how much they cared and that they were willing to bury the hatchet while I was running around with said hatchet and actively destroying my relationships.
It all taught me something very, very important.
Sometimes it’s okay to say “I’m sorry” first.
It’s okay to say “I love you and you mean the absolute world to me” first.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak or admitting defeat.
It means you’re choosing love over pride.
And trust me, love will make you MUCH happier than pride.
I chose pride over love my sophomore year and it ate at me slowly and relentlessly for years.
I thought about it constantly.
I’ve had nightmares about that time in my life that leave me sobbing in my bed in the middle of the night.
And sitting in my bed in a pathetic little heap of miserable-ness didn’t make me feel very proud
I made the wrong choice.
Pride is never greater than or equal to love.
So now I’m here to tell you,
You don’t have to make the same mistake I did.
If you’re in a fight with somebody you care about immensely but neither of you will just lay down your weapons for 2 minutes to apologize and hug it out,
Be the first to just freaking say it.
If you’ve spent the past three years completely in love with someone who doesn’t know how you feel because you’re terrified it could end your friendship and ruin everything,
Just freaking say it.
Because who knows what will happen and even if the feelings aren’t reciprocated, at least they know there’s someone in the world without a selfish bone in their body who loves them unconditionally. It is an absolute honor to be loved by you.
If you’re afraid to speak out for something you believe in because you’re afraid of being torn down by the masses and it’s caused you to sit in uncomfortable and unbearable silence,
Just freaking say it.
A mob with pitchforks and torches will most likely not show up at your house.
(If they do though, pls don’t hold me responsible. I’m just an emotional blogger who doesn’t know anything)
It’s never too late to make amends.
It’s never too late to tell someone you love them.
And it’s never to late to admit that you’re wrong and apologize.
Even if you’re not wrong, apologize.
Because is your pride really worth losing one of your favorite people over?
The answer is no, by the way.
So just freaking do it (as Nike says).
Just freaking say it.
facebook – Becca Tremmel
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