You want to remain invisible.

Don’t you?

I know the demons you’ve walked with for so long have become so normal.

Like they’ve always truly been there.

That’s something I understand completely.

I can’t remember a day on this earth before I had demons.

They sit with me.

They go to work with me.

They sleep in my bed.

They watch me sing.

And write songs.

They come to me in dark dreams.

And worst of all, when I’m having an intimate moment with someone I love.

They never leave.

I’m not sure if they ever will.


But the danger of walking around with your demons so often is they can be normalized.

Demons are not normal, sweet one.

They shouldn’t be dragging you down at every moment of the day.

They shouldn’t be giving you panic attacks after a passionate kiss with someone you love and trust.

They shouldn’t sit with you as you stare in the mirror and cut your hair with scissors out of pure mania.

They shouldn’t exist so effortlessly in your life.

They’re not supposed to be there.

Some may even joke about how normal these demons are and the mental problems that affect so many hurting people.


Our culture has become quite disturbing in that sense, when you truly think about it.

We’ve normalized depression, anxiety and other mental disorders so much to the point that we joke about them constantly.

You can’t get on twitter without seeing a joke about depression or suicide.

I’ve always been an advocate for ending the stigma that comes with mental health issues.

That’s a beautiful thing.

But normalizing these issues is not okay.

It’s gotten to the point that it’s weird NOT to have to depression or anxiety.

So our culture has convinced itself that everyone on the planet has mental issues or we joke about their existence on Twitter just to fit in.

That is so gross to me.

And it’s particularly horrible for people who truly suffer with these issues.

Depression and Anxiety and many other disorders are treatable.

Most of them aren’t supposed to last forever.

And with therapy, medication, and a healthy lifestyle switch, most of these disorders are treatable.

But this whole “you’re not normal unless you’re suicidal” culture is not okay.

Because it normalizes suicide.

And suicide isn’t normal.


Now on a personal note,

I think we allow ourselves to be accustomed to the demons and depression and the disturbing thoughts that invade our psyche.

When I was 20, I was committed to a psychiatric hospital.

It was actually the reason I wrote my first blog.

I don’t remember everything from that week of my life, all I remember is wanting to end my life.

I had a date picked out.

I had a plan.

And my friends, family and even my acquaintances completely freaked out.

Back then, I kept thinking that everyone was being dramatic.

That I didn’t want to make a “big deal” out of the situation.

I only told one or two people how bad my PTSD was because I was afraid that people would exaggerate and freak out.

Looking back on it now,

Of course they did.

Of course they committed me to that hospital.

Of course.

I was a threat to my own life.

However, I was desensitized to the demons and the thoughts in my brain that I had convinced myself that MY thoughts were rational.

And everyone else was being insane.


It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you might just be irrational,

But it’s taking a step back,

Really listening to yourself and speaking to others to figure out that your thoughts may not be all that normal.

Now, after years of therapy and one hospitalization, I’ve learned that for me, I just pretend that a close friend is talking to me.

As if I were listening to someone I loved dearly sharing their thoughts with me instead of the thoughts being my own.

If those thoughts were coming from a dear loved one, would I be concerned?

If yes, then I know that those thoughts aren’t rational. Its just the demons normalizing their existence again.


I know how hard it is to ask for help.

I know how hard it is to put yourself in the spotlight and say “hi I’m not okay” because that’s too much attention.

I really get it.

But it all starts with telling someone.

As soon as those thoughts are said out loud, God and the rest of the world will do whatever it takes to bring you back to a healthy place.

It may all sound really dramatic, honestly it did to me too.

However, it all comes from a place of love.

People in your life love you and they want you to be okay,

So swallow your pride, dear one, and your beliefs that this is all “normal” and the demons following your every move are just a part of the ride.

Tell someone.

That’s all it takes to start the process to get back to REAL normal.


So if you’re having thoughts that seem a bit “off” just please talk to someone.

Look into a therapist or a school counselor.

Share your thoughts.

If they seem a bit irrational, they probably are.

I love you.

You are so strong

And this too shall pass.

Because demons aren’t normal,

Don’t listen to the backwards culture we’ve created

And getting rid of them isn’t impossible.

Trust me.

 

 

facebook – Becca Tremmel

instagram – @littlelionbecca

twitter – @littlelionbecca

I’ve felt very misunderstood for most of my life.

It might have sparked from the belief that I am innately different.

Emotions overcome me and I feel as though I’m drowning in whatever feeling I happen to be immersed in that day.

People have often told me that we can “control” our emotions and how we react to certain situations, but I have never found that to be true.

For example,

I was once in a relationship and the person cheated on me.

The second I found out, my heart became an anchor that dropped through the floor.

My mind raced with anxious and terrible reasoning as to why this was happening to me.

My limbs became so heavy that I couldn’t move and began shaking.

I was drowning in sadness.


It consumes me entirely when it washes over my life.

There’s very little time to process during the crashing waves of sadness, but when the ocean stills itself and I’m floating there, broken but alive, I begin to process the storm that just happened.

And all that to say,

I kind of enjoy being sad.

I know that’s kind of messed up, but it’s true.

That’s where I feel most misunderstood.

I think sadness and suffering is truly beautiful.

It makes me a human being.

And it shows me just how durable my body is when it comes to feeling sad.

Or anything really.


Emotions completely fascinates me.

And I’ve always felt that I feel a bit more than others do.

My heart sinks a little bit lower than most.

My emotions pull me a bit farther into the dark trench in that ocean of sadness.

A lot farther than most dare to go.

But I always swim back up to the surface with new findings to write about and describe.

It also makes me capable of understanding other people because,

hey, I’ve been there.

I’ve bought property and lived comfortably there.

I like to understand other people and empathize with someone when they’re in pieces.

Because sometimes you just need someone to be in pieces with you.

I gladly volunteer to be that person.

I’m not sure if that makes disturbed or just compassionate.

I guess I’d be fine with either.


At the end of the day, I think sadness is beautiful.

When I’d enter new relationships, my worst fear was never having a broken heart ever again.

What if I never feel that deeply again?

I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who’d help me let go of that fear.

But I did,

And it’s magic.

I’ve felt a fair share of sadness for this life, and I’m sure I’ll feel a lot more before my time is up.

But now I don’t try to break myself and self sabotage relationships just to feel something.

I’m steady and put together.

I no longer enjoy being “broken.”

p.s. check out my band’s new song “Broken” which inspired this blog and my whole life tbh

Click here to listen to “Broken”!!

 

facebook – Becca Tremmel

instagram – @littlelionbecca

twitter – @littlelionbecca

I hate change.

Well, most change.

I really enjoy having a stable living situation, romantic interest, and somewhat steady job.

Don’t get me wrong, spontaneity is my middle name

However I enjoy having the same friends I’ve had for 6+ years.

I love being in a long term relationship.

I love knowing Nashville like the back of my hand because I’ve been here for a minute.

But then all of a sudden, usually out of nowhere

boom

Change.

And when it enters into my dramatic, soap opera of a life,

It’s usually a boat load of change.

All at once.

Every season of depression that’s moved over me like a fog, has bloomed out of big changes happening in my life.

But this year has really sent me into a spiral of change.

It all started with a change in my job.

It needed to happen, honestly.

Have you ever worked somewhere that sucked every positive fiber out of your body like a soul sucking vampire?

Well, I was working that job for the past year.

It dug me into a very dark place for a few months.

I hadn’t felt such hopelessness since sophomore year of college when i was committed to a psychiatric hospital.

I started becoming a very pessimistic and honestly, bitchy person.

Which is very much not my nature.

This job turned me into someone completely unrecognizable.

I hated the person I saw in the mirror every morning.

So changing to a new job was just necessary.


And then of course came the breakup.

Dating someone long term

Seeing them almost everyday

Being in love

And having someone who supported me constantly, loved me perfectly, and was my absolute best friend was a dream.

But then I woke up.

And it was over.

That change hit me like a ton of bricks.


And last but not least here I am,

Leaving Nashville.

Yep, you heard me.

I’m leaving Nashville.

Temporarily.

Almost got ya there, huh?

Basically, I’m heading out to sea to sing on a boat for four months.

I’ve never even been on a big boat.

But here I am, making moves and packing up my whole life to leave the city I spent so long planting my roots in.

It’s terrifying.

Because all of a sudden,

I’m single and basically a pirate.

This is not how I pictured I’d start my 25th year in life.


But a few weeks ago, I went cliff jumping with my best friend.

Something I’ve never tried before.

I’m not one to just throw myself off of cliffs.

But I thought,

what the hell? I don’t even know who I am anymore. Maybe I do jump off cliffs.

And I jumped off the smaller cliffs, no problem.

But there was one huge cliff.

Like over 40 feet tall cliff.

And I decided I was going to jump off.

Old Becca would’ve thought,

Um, no. You have to be at work tomorrow and what if you break your leg? Or if you die? Who’s gonna take care of your cat?

But new change-embracing Becca thought,

F*ck it.

I’ve spent so many years avoiding change.

Avoiding decisions.

Avoiding confrontation.

Avoiding life.

Because I’ve always tripped and fell into seasons of change completely unprepared.

And it always sends me into a complete tailspin.

But this time is different.

I am not afraid.

I can go on a boat.

I can be single.

I can leave Nashville.

I can leave all the people I love and they won’t forget about me.

I can do this and I won’t avoid it anymore.

So I prayed before leaping off that cliff.

I thought about making my decisions based of faith instead of crippling fear.

I thought about the customers who have screamed at me for giving them a hot latte instead of an iced one.

I thought about saying goodbye to a wonderful relationship that had to be put to rest.

I thought about my therapist in the hospital years ago who told me it had to get better and I was going to live a long happy life.

I thought about my family moving out of state to get on with their lives after moving here just to make sure I’d remain on this earth for as long as possible.

I thought about my cat and how sad he’s going to be because he won’t understand why I leave one day and don’t come back for him because I’ll be on a boat.

I thought about the love of my life, and how excited I am to meet him.

And I had this overwhelming feeling surging through my veins.

Everything is going to be okay.

I can leap off this cliff and live.

I can leap into change and live.

I can make decisions and live.

I will not melt into a depressed puddle of a person.

Not this time.

So I ran

I leapt.

And I flew.

 

 

The biggest turn off in the whole world is when someone talks poorly about their ex or, worse, multiple exes.

There’s NO way that one person can date like 5 certifiably “crazy” people.

You know it’s a red flag when someone’s like “Oh I’ve only dated crazy people.”

K,

But who’s the common denominator in all five of those relationships?

Hm.

So before you go off calling your ex “crazy,” here are 31 questions you should ask yourself beforehand,

1. Did you re-download tinder before the breakup talk even happened?

2. Did you breakup with her out of the blue?

3. Did you use any of the following reasons: “I don’t deserve you“, “I love you too much to be with you right now“, “I need a few months to work on myself“,”The timing is just off“, etc.

4. Did you ask our her roommate?

5. Her neighbor?

6. Her best friend?

7. Her mom?

8. Did you ever call her “clingy” for just trying to get in touch with you?

9. Do you still call her?

10. Do you still call her to talk about your relationship?

11. Do you still call her to talk about your relationship and about getting back together?

12. Do all of these conversations happen after 1am when you’ve just left another girl’s house?

13. Did you ever cheat on her?

14. Did you ever cheat on her and then write a blog about how she was de-humanizing you but failed to mention that you cheated on her?

15. Have you ever considered the fact that maybe, possibly, in a strange twist of events, you might just be a d-bag?

16. Do you ignore her existence when you see her just to make her feel like she means nothing to you?

17. Do you spread rumors about her being crazy and that she probably shouldn’t date anyone ever?

18. Do you look over her social media profiles with your friends and make fun of the way she looks, dresses, and portrays herself?

19. Did you post a bunch of pictures of you with other girls .5 seconds after breaking up with her?

20. Did she actually end the relationship and your pride is just bruised so you claim she’s crazy?

21. Whenever you were around her family/friends, did you spend the whole time on your phone?

22. Did you ever steal her phone and look through her texts?

23. Did you ever insult her religion because you don’t necessarily share similar beliefs?

24. Did you ever make her feel bad for not wanting to have sex?

25. Do you see her at parties and claim that she’s stalking you instead of considering the fact that you share the same friend group?

26. When she asks if you can talk, do you claim she’s obsessive when actually she might just need closure or give your crap back?

27. When she writes a blog about how she’s moved on and in a better place, do you claim she’s still hung up on you and just trying to air out dirty laundry on the internet?

28. Do you have shirtless pics on tinder? (Not about your relationship, but let’s me know if you’re a tool or not)

29. Is she an actual diagnosed sociopath?

30. Is she REALLy crazy?

31. Or are you just a dipwad?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, I don’t assume your ex is “crazy” but that you’re just a dipwad.

We have to stop talking poorly about our past loves.

We have to stop daydreaming of ways to make our exes jealous and cause them pain.

Everyone does it post-breakup.

I’ve done it, and I’m sure my exes would agree. (*cough*)

It’s not healthy.

Unless they actually ruined your life that like crazy new Netflix show. (It’s basically Gossip Girl to the nth power)

So cut it out. Just be civil.

You invested time and love into this person and now you’re going to drag their name through the mud for what?

Prove your innocence?

That you never made any mistakes in the relationship?

A breakup takes two people.

At least most of the time.

So no, she’s not crazy.

You’re just being a dickwad. (ooo she actually said it !!!)

 

Facebook – Becca Tremmel

Instagram – @littlelionbecca

Twitter – @littlelionbecca

(p.s. can apply to anyone, I just used the pronoun “she” because that’s what I’ve personally experienced)

Well, here it is!

~2019~

A brand, spankin’ new year.

A year where you have yet to make mistakes, acquire even more baggage, or let anyone down.

what a concept !!!


It’s YOUR year, right? The year you lose 20 lbs, quit the commitment issues, stop smoking, and call your mom more often.

This is YOUR year.

So how do we all go about this new, fresh, and clean year?

Well, for me, I sit down a week before the new year and write down my goals for the next year.

I start daydreaming about the person I could be in 365 days.

Maybe I’ll be financially stable enough to take my mom out for dinner once in a while instead of stealing toilet paper rolls from work.

Maybe I’ll go to church every single Sunday and actually participate in Lent this year.

Maybe I’ll learn how to order food with confidence instead of forgetting every word I’ve ever learned when I get to the register.

Maybe I’ll fall in love with someone and it won’t end in a horrible crash and burn.

Maybe I won’t swear as much in grocery stores and horrify the children who happen to be in earshot.

Maybe

What a word,

maybe.”

It’s a word that is just bursting with possibility and almost promises,

But it can also string you along in terminal frustration.

Maybe” is basically an eff boy, for lack of a better metaphor.


But you know what?

I’m calling bullshit.

(sorry, kids)

You’re not a different person just because it’s been 365 days.

You’re not a brand new version of yourself just because it happens to be January 1st.

That’s not how change works.

It’s doesn’t happen overnight.

Life doesn’t have a refresh button that you can press every year.

And it doesn’t wipe away all your mistakes.

It doesn’t just lose all of your baggage like every airline ever.

It doesn’t change everything.

That’s kind of a pessimistic outlook, I know but don’t worry I’m not finished !!!!


I have the best news in the whole world y’all.

Are you ready for it?

(cue Taylor Swift)

You can be a brand new version of yourself tomorrow.

Or on Jan 3rd.

Or on Jan 30th.

Or June 30th.

Or Dec 31st.

You can start making better decisions right now!

Wow!

If you feel the need to change something about your life in order to make it better,

Do it! Right now!

But if you happen to screw up on January 1st, 2019.

It’s all good.

Don’t sweat it,

Because you can always try again tomorrow.

And the day after.

And the day after that.

And probably even the day after.

Because you don’t need a brand new year to become a brand new you.

All you need is the desire to change and the courage to execute that change.

Because tomorrow might not be,

~January 1st~

But it’s still a perfectly good day to be brand, spankin’ new.

 

Facebook – Becca Tremmel

Instagram – @littlelionbecca

Twitter – @littlelionbecca

 

So a few weeks ago I sat down with a good friend.

We laughed and chatted over coffee.

Put our phones down for an hour to have an honest and open conversation.

We talked about writing, love, music, successes, failures, avocado toast and social media.

In short, we covered a lot of millennial-esque topics.


She told me about a song she wrote about social media and the real dangers it can cause.

Comparing ourselves to one another.

Until we’re addicted to self-sabotaging cycles that never ever end.

All due to a few apps.

Wtf?

I often find myself scrolling through instagram and thinking,

“Ugh her pictures are so well done. I wish my feed looked like that”

I wish I was as skinny as her.”

I wish I performed as much as he did.”

I wish I got as many likes as her. I probably would too, if I posed half naked.”

I found myself judging other people and also comparing myself to them.

Just by looking at their instagram photos.

Isn’t that an odd concept?

You may not know someone well,

Maybe not even at all.

But you find yourself comparing your talents

Your relationships

And even your body parts to theirs.

All because you saw some beautifully edited photo of them next to a river with a flower crown in their hair.

Doesn’t that seem like… somewhat ridiculous?


I think it’s extremely important to remind ourselves

Daily

That social media is a COMPLETE lie.

I mean, obviously some of it is true.

People get engaged, promotions, photoshoots, and experience happy life changes.

But everyone also suffers.

And we all have flaws.

Who you are on social media is not the real you.

It’s who you want to be.

It’s how you want others to perceive you.

It’s the ideal version of yourself

Right?

For example,

Instagram Becca is ~skinny~

Instagram Becca has like ~so many friends~ and like everyone like ~totally adores her~

Instagram Becca is an ~incredibly successful~ singer, songwriter, blogger, cat trainer, archer, swimmer, la-di-da-di-da.

Instagram Becca never suffers.

She’s never felt a prick of pain in her entire life.

All of her breakups have been ~mutual~

(lol)

All of her flaws are covered up with some ~vigorous editing~

She is “perfect

But real Becca?

She’s really out of shape.

When she goes on a run (once every five years) she basically has a full blown asthma attack.

She only has a few close friends, but they mean the absolute world to her because they’ve seen her flaws and choose to love her anyway.

She likes to write songs but she’s not where she wants to be career-wise and her music gets rejected insanely often.

She suffers.

But she likes to cover it up as soon as someone points it out.

She also bites her nails, gets broken up with, still doesn’t know how to do her laundry and takes everything personally.

She’s a hot mess half the time.

But do I share that on social media?

Hell to the no.


So,

Now that you know the real me

I’m going to get even more honest with you.

It can be so incredibly damaging and self sabotaging to compare your flaws, career, or love life to another person.

Especially over social media.

You’re comparing your entire self to another person’s ideal version of themselves.

It ain’t healthy, yo.

So as soon as you start getting into that toxic mindset,

Put the phone down.

Go for a walk.

Have a genuine face to face conversation with someone you love.

Because it doesn’t matter how many likes you get on a post.

It doesn’t matter that you have a picture-perfect looking relationship on instagram.

It doesn’t matter.

None of it matters.

All that matters is you

And what you think about yourself.

Your self worth does not lie in a face-tuned edited photo.

You don’t need 200 likes to feel important or vital to this earth.

You already are.

Just by existing and being your flawed, imperfect, beautiful, kinda chubby, dorky, hilarious self.

And the people who really matter, will love every single part of you

Not just ~instagram you~

 

 

(PS. check out my wonderful friend, Nilka‘s song which inspired this rant and blog)

 

facebook – Becca Tremmel

instagram – @littlelionbecca

twitter – @littlelionbecca

This dress feels a little too tight.

I feel kinda fat.

When am I going to start working out, jesus.

Do they notice how much I’m pulling at this dress?

I feel like my ass is just out there in the open.

You look anxious.

Stop looking so anxious.

How long has that guy been looking at me?

What is he staring at?

Do I have something on my face?

Does he notice this last-minute pimple that just popped up out of freaking nowhere?

I hate this.

When can we go home?

Is it bad if I ask my friend to go home?

We’ve only been here for an hour.

Shit.

Wait, is that girl walking up to me?

She looks drunk.

I don’t think I remember her name???

Dear god what is she going to say.

“Heyyyyyyy girl, how’re you!!”

 


 

I don’t really consider myself a “fake” person.

I definitely want to come across as “down to earth” and “genuine.”

Does consciously thinking that make me fake?

I dunno.

Whatever.

I’ve struggled with social anxiety for a long time now.

Some days it’s worse than others.

A few years back, I used to blog… a lot.

You probably noticed.

I loved writing about my thoughts.

My life.

My lessons.

Then I kind of phased out of that.

Again, you might’ve noticed.

Mostly because it got to the point where I hated going out.

It terrified me.

Because no matter where I went, who I was with, or what was going on,

Somebody brought up my blogging.

or my chaotic ~love life~

How it offended them or someone they loved.

How I shouldn’t have broken up with that guy.

How that guy should’ve probably broken up with me.

You know, casual party conversations.

 


I started to really care about what people thought of me.

I started to believe that everything that’s ever happened to me wasn’t mine to share.

Like they weren’t my own stories.

I stopped writing for a while.

It was too much.

It was all too much.

And the really shitty thing is,

I love writing.

I love telling stories.

I love sharing.

I love connecting to other human beings.

I love people.

And I was terrified of people.

It caused complete turmoil in my heart and thoughts.

What if I write about this?

No, then that person will be offended.

Okay, well what if I wrote about that?

No, then everyone will believe you’re a basket case.

I used to be bold.

I used to be brave.

By god, my first piece ever was titled “Welcome to the Psych Ward (It’s More Like a Vacation Spot” 

It doesn’t get much bolder than that, friends.

I was outspoken.

But anxiety crippled me.

It suffocated the joy that was bursting inside of me when I wrote.

I allowed the thoughts of other people to define who I was.

Not cool, man.

So I write this to encourage you to look at your choices.

Why do you do the things you do?

Do you make choices based on other peoples’ opinions of you?

Do you not drink in public because you don’t want others to think you’re a drunk?

Or do you not drink in public because you feel safer drinking at home with friends?

Are your choices fear based or faith based?

Do you post obsessively about your relationship because you want all of your followers to believe that you guys are perfectly, hopelessly in love and not self conscious about the relationship?

Or do you post about your relationship because you are actually over the moon happy with this person?

What types of choices do you make?

For a long time, mine were fear based.

100%.

But I’ve learned over that past few years that who I am is not based on someone else’s opinion of me.

I am whoever I decide to be.

You are whoever you decide to be.

I’m a writer.

I’m a sharer.

I’m a story-teller.

I’m a comeback kid.

I’m Becca.

I am a lion.

And I am bold.

 

(Featured Image by: Alyssa Jiosa)

 

Okay the title may be a little aggressive

But it’s meant to come across as urgent.

Because you need to just freaking say it.

Immediately.

Like right now.

Do you not know what I’m talking about?

That thing you’ve been dying to say for the past month, year, decade, entire life?

Those words that have been slowly rotting inside of you desperately trying to claw their way out of your mouth and into the world?

Still not catching on?

Okay, well let me tell you some stories that will clear things up.


My sophomore year of college,

I went a little…

well…

Crazy.

I was struggling with some pretty violent mental illnesses that devoured my ability to empathize with other human beings.

I had an immense sense of pride.

Several people chose to walk out of my life around that time because they weren’t able to handle my negativity or aggression.

I was impacting them in extremely hurtful ways.

I was toxic.

But I couldn’t admit it to myself.

ME?!

TOXIC?!

No way,

I was perfect.

I had never done anything wrong or purposely hurt someone in my entire life.

Everything was about me and my well-being

No one else’s.

Looking back on it now, I realize that I wasn’t trying to hurt these people that I loved so dearly.

I just wasn’t in the state of mind to admit that I was wrong or unhealthy.

I demanded support without giving any back to them in return and it was unbelievably frustrating.

My stubborn little head could not wrap itself around the fact that I could be

Potentially

Maybe just a little bit

Wrong?

In turn, the consequences were absolutely disastrous.

My loved ones were dropping out of my life like flies

And I couldn’t stop it.

Or wouldn’t, I should say.

Because now thinking the entire situation through up, down and sideways,

I could’ve stopped it.

By admitting I was wrong.

And I could’ve actively tried to mend these disintegrating bridges by swallowing my misplaced pride and telling these people just how much I loved them and that their relationships meant way more to me than a stupid, popular blog or my newfound proud reputation.

It’s a lot easier said than done, though.

I’ve been given the very fortunate gift of new relationships and friendships that completely changed my way of thinking.

When the time came and fights occurred with these loved ones,

They always reached out

Called me at 4am,

Wrote me a letter,

Knocked on my door at 3am,

Just to say sorry and tell me that they loved me.

It shattered my beliefs.

Because I appreciated it so much when they showed me how much they cared and that they were willing to bury the hatchet while I was running around with said hatchet and actively destroying my relationships.

It all taught me something very, very important.

Sometimes it’s okay to say “I’m sorry” first.

It’s okay to say “I love you and you mean the absolute world to me” first.

It doesn’t mean you’re weak or admitting defeat.

It means you’re choosing love over pride.

And trust me, love will make you MUCH happier than pride.

I chose pride over love my sophomore year and it ate at me slowly and relentlessly for years.

I thought about it constantly.

I’ve had nightmares about that time in my life that leave me sobbing in my bed in the middle of the night.

And sitting in my bed in a pathetic little heap of miserable-ness didn’t make me feel very proud

Or loved.

I made the wrong choice.

Pride is never greater than or equal to love.

So now I’m here to tell you,

You don’t have to make the same mistake I did.

If you’re in a fight with somebody you care about immensely but neither of you will just lay down your weapons for 2 minutes to apologize and hug it out,

Be the first to just freaking say it.

If you’ve spent the past three years completely in love with someone who doesn’t know how you feel because you’re terrified it could end your friendship and ruin everything,

Just freaking say it.

Because who knows what will happen and even if the feelings aren’t reciprocated, at least they know there’s someone in the world without a selfish bone in their body who loves them unconditionally. It is an absolute honor to be loved by you.

If you’re afraid to speak out for something you believe in because you’re afraid of being torn down by the masses and it’s caused you to sit in uncomfortable and unbearable silence,

Just freaking say it.

A mob with pitchforks and torches will most likely not show up at your house.

(If they do though, pls don’t hold me responsible. I’m just an emotional blogger who doesn’t know anything)


It’s never too late to make amends.

It’s never too late to tell someone you love them.

And it’s never to late to admit that you’re wrong and apologize.

Even if you’re not wrong, apologize.

Because is your pride really worth losing one of your favorite people over?

The answer is no, by the way.

So just freaking do it (as Nike says).

Just freaking say it.

 

 

facebook – Becca Tremmel

instagram – @littlelionbecca

twitter – @littlelionbecca

 

I’m not sure who the eff “he” is.

He could be your ex,

He could be some guy you’re crushing on hardcore but don’t want to overwhelm with your feral emotions,

He could be your boyfriend who we’re currently mad at because he did that annoying thing again,

Or your mailman.

For whatever reason,

You don’t want to call him.

That’s fine. I’m sure there’s a good reason.

I got you, girl.

Whoever he is, here are 55 things to do instead of calling him.


1. Go on a hike. The fresh air will do ya good.

2. Call an old friend who you haven’t talked to in over two years.

3. Paint your nails a crazy color

4. Take a nap

5. Drive to a neighboring state and spend the day exploring

6. Read a self help book

7. Write your own self help book

8. Adopt a pet and then cuddle with it

9. Grab some margaritas with your bestie

10. Learn how to play the harmonica

11. Watch every Lord of the Rings movie plus the bonus features (that’ll kill about 15 hours)

12. Drive around your town blasting the full “1989” album plus those bangin’ bonus songs

13. Plan a birthday party for a friend. I don’t care if it’s six months in advance or if you only know her though math class.

14. Throw caution to the wind and re-download Tinder

15. Hate yourself after receiving your first “send nudes” message and then re-delete Tinder

16. Or send nudes. You do you.

17. I lied. Don’t send nudes.

18. Go to a shooting range and take some shooting lessons

19. Write a strongly worded letter to congress about a current issue/law that pisses you tf off.

20. Watch clips from the Teletubbies and re-discover how effing creepy those things are

Teletubbies-371606

Good. Bye.

21. Create a workout schedule that’ll give you a bangin’ bod

22. Pick up some extra shifts at work

23. Or apply for a job you helpless, unemployed potato

24. Look up the sound frogs make when they’re afraid and laugh (Watch this)

25. Look up the sound zebras make and be as confused as I am (BUT WHY DO THEY DO THIS)

26. Get a haircut.

27. Delete random pics on your phone that are just taking up space (maybe delete some pics of him while you’re at it)

28. Learn how to cook

29. Cook something

30. Clean your apartment

31. But really, clean your apartment… It’s getting bad.

32. Get distracted while cleaning and look through the crap people wrote in your high school yearbooks

33. Stalk people from high school on Facebook.

34. Write a letter to him

35. Then set that shit on fire

36. Make a pinterest board with just pictures of baby animals

37. Take the Myers Briggs test. You’ll be entertained for at least two hours, I swear.

38. Create a blog !!!!!!

39. Cry yourself to sleep because now you’re just an emotional, oversharing blogger just like me

40. Go to a coffee shop

41. Join farmersonly.com just because

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#YouDontHaveToBeLonelyAtFarmersOnlyDotCom

42. Buy succulents and up your #aesthetic game

43. Start learning French. Bon Chance!

44. Read the bible (we all need to at some point)

45. Plan a weekend vacation

46. Figure out what type of tattoo you’d get if you were ever brave enough to get one

47. Screw it, get a tattoo

48. Maybe download Bumble instead of Tinder. I only want what’s best for you <3

49. Find your old Gameboy Advance and play your favorite game

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Gotta catch ’em all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

50. Start a new hobby

51. Make a list of the top 10 places you’d love to visit

52. Decide what your favorite song of all time is

53. Try eating a really healthy dinner #kale

54. Give up and order pizza (maybe you’ll find love with the delivery guy)

55. And if all else fails and you’re about 3 seconds from calling him, just toss your phone off a bridge. That’ll DEF keep you from calling him.


 

Good luck, girl. I believe in you.

Love,

Becca Tremmel

 

Facebook – Becca Tremmel

Instagram – @littlelionbecca

Twitter – @littlelionbecca

I’ve never been one to speak openly about my Christian faith.

I’ve always been terrified of judgment and ridicule.

I’m scared of people reading what I have to say only to point out my past sins while exclaiming, “Yeah, you must be a VERY dedicated Christian.”

The truth is,

I am flawed.

I have a terrible potty mouth.

I’ve gossiped about people who I don’t know personally.

I’ve gossiped about people who I know extremely well.

I’ve even keyed someone’s car before.

I am completely flawed and I surely don’t consider myself “role model” material.

But I do know a little bit about suffering and how it’s ultimately brought me closer to God.


These past six months have kicked my ass.

(Excuse the language. We went over this. Flawed)

I was positive that I wasn’t going to graduate college due to my every present procrastination and lack of motivation all last semester,

I lost my sweet kitten days after my graduation,

I almost lost my own life in December due to a serious infection that left me in a hospital bed and incapable of breathing on my own for weeks,

A very important relationship in my life came to a screeching halt,

Many of my close friends have packed up and left for the summer or for good,

I’ve showed my music to some noteworthy figures in the music business and most of the reviews were very discouraging. One even used the words “bland” and “uninteresting,”

And finally, some of my past mistakes have come back stronger than ever to haunt my present.

Like I said, I’ve been a mess.

But I’m not here to complain.

Because I’m aware that I’ve lived an extremely comfortable life in comparison to many other people in this world.

And I try to thank God every single day for the little blessings He’s put in my path over the past 22 years.

I am unbelievably lucky.

However, I believe it is very easy to lose sight of all you have to be thankful for when you’re sitting in bed at 3am bawling your eyes out over your current suffering.


In the past, I’ve turned to some unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with my suffering.

My sophomore year of college I abused prescription drugs just to cope with the crippling depression I used to suffer from.

I used to root my self confidence in guys and how they treated me. I found self validation in whoever I was currently dating at the time.

I would try many strategies out before finally turning to God.

Whenever I found myself curled up on the floor crying myself deeper into this endless pit of suffering, I’d call someone.

I’d distract myself.

And I’ve been very blessed to have people in my life who have answered those desperate phone calls.

I did everything I could possibly think of before finally admitting defeat and turning to God for help and wisdom.

And every time I did, He saved me.


In the past six months, I have been given every reason imaginable to turn towards unhealthy coping mechanisms.

But I’ve done my absolute best to straighten my aim and walk on the clear path with God even when I had temptation calling out to me trying to coax me back into the woods.

It sometimes feels impossible.

Suffering is something that every single person in life will have to go through. If you’ve never suffered before and your life has been just butterflies and butterscotch popsicles, just you wait. It’s comin’ for ya.

We will all have hardships and we will all be brought to our knees at some point where we are faced with a decision,

Will we remain on the floor?

Will we turn to a terrible habit that will leave us further in the dark?

Or will we bring our pain to God and ask Him for help and wisdom?

It’s much harder than one would think.

It’s not easy to give up everything and do what God asks you to do in order to fulfill His plan.


And many people have asked me or brought up a question that I’ve thought a lot about recently,

“Why does suffering exist? If God is so good, then why does He allow us to suffer?”

And here is the answer (definitely still underdeveloped and definitely one that will not satisfy everyone) that I’ve come up with,

Although suffering is miserable and even horrifying sometimes, we would all be very weak and close minded individuals if no one had ever been through something worth suffering over.

Suffering is absolutely necessary. It is all a part of the human experience. As human beings, we have free will.

I can gossip and say hurtful things about someone that could leave them crying on their floor.

I don’t believe I’m walking with God when I make that decision.

However, even when we do end up in a pit of suffering I believe God can make something absolutely beautiful out of it.

I have never felt more connected to a human being than when we have bonded through a suffering experience.

There is no greater tool when fostering genuine human connection and love than suffering.

When large-scale tragedies occur and we’re all left hopeless, we do not walk away and leave the suffering to feel unloved or unworthy.

Most people come together and express their love towards people who they may not even know personally.

I think that is so beautiful.

And I know I am young, flawed, and I have the rest of my life to think about the answer to that question, but that’s what I got so far.

So if you’re suffering right now, just know that I love you and I’m rooting for you 100% and God is, too.

 

 

Love,

Becca Tremmel

 

facebook – Becca Tremmel

Instagram – @littlelionbecca

Twitter – @littlelionbecca