You want to remain invisible.

Don’t you?

I know the demons you’ve walked with for so long have become so normal.

Like they’ve always truly been there.

That’s something I understand completely.

I can’t remember a day on this earth before I had demons.

They sit with me.

They go to work with me.

They sleep in my bed.

They watch me sing.

And write songs.

They come to me in dark dreams.

And worst of all, when I’m having an intimate moment with someone I love.

They never leave.

I’m not sure if they ever will.


But the danger of walking around with your demons so often is they can be normalized.

Demons are not normal, sweet one.

They shouldn’t be dragging you down at every moment of the day.

They shouldn’t be giving you panic attacks after a passionate kiss with someone you love and trust.

They shouldn’t sit with you as you stare in the mirror and cut your hair with scissors out of pure mania.

They shouldn’t exist so effortlessly in your life.

They’re not supposed to be there.

Some may even joke about how normal these demons are and the mental problems that affect so many hurting people.


Our culture has become quite disturbing in that sense, when you truly think about it.

We’ve normalized depression, anxiety and other mental disorders so much to the point that we joke about them constantly.

You can’t get on twitter without seeing a joke about depression or suicide.

I’ve always been an advocate for ending the stigma that comes with mental health issues.

That’s a beautiful thing.

But normalizing these issues is not okay.

It’s gotten to the point that it’s weird NOT to have to depression or anxiety.

So our culture has convinced itself that everyone on the planet has mental issues or we joke about their existence on Twitter just to fit in.

That is so gross to me.

And it’s particularly horrible for people who truly suffer with these issues.

Depression and Anxiety and many other disorders are treatable.

Most of them aren’t supposed to last forever.

And with therapy, medication, and a healthy lifestyle switch, most of these disorders are treatable.

But this whole “you’re not normal unless you’re suicidal” culture is not okay.

Because it normalizes suicide.

And suicide isn’t normal.


Now on a personal note,

I think we allow ourselves to be accustomed to the demons and depression and the disturbing thoughts that invade our psyche.

When I was 20, I was committed to a psychiatric hospital.

It was actually the reason I wrote my first blog.

I don’t remember everything from that week of my life, all I remember is wanting to end my life.

I had a date picked out.

I had a plan.

And my friends, family and even my acquaintances completely freaked out.

Back then, I kept thinking that everyone was being dramatic.

That I didn’t want to make a “big deal” out of the situation.

I only told one or two people how bad my PTSD was because I was afraid that people would exaggerate and freak out.

Looking back on it now,

Of course they did.

Of course they committed me to that hospital.

Of course.

I was a threat to my own life.

However, I was desensitized to the demons and the thoughts in my brain that I had convinced myself that MY thoughts were rational.

And everyone else was being insane.


It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you might just be irrational,

But it’s taking a step back,

Really listening to yourself and speaking to others to figure out that your thoughts may not be all that normal.

Now, after years of therapy and one hospitalization, I’ve learned that for me, I just pretend that a close friend is talking to me.

As if I were listening to someone I loved dearly sharing their thoughts with me instead of the thoughts being my own.

If those thoughts were coming from a dear loved one, would I be concerned?

If yes, then I know that those thoughts aren’t rational. Its just the demons normalizing their existence again.


I know how hard it is to ask for help.

I know how hard it is to put yourself in the spotlight and say “hi I’m not okay” because that’s too much attention.

I really get it.

But it all starts with telling someone.

As soon as those thoughts are said out loud, God and the rest of the world will do whatever it takes to bring you back to a healthy place.

It may all sound really dramatic, honestly it did to me too.

However, it all comes from a place of love.

People in your life love you and they want you to be okay,

So swallow your pride, dear one, and your beliefs that this is all “normal” and the demons following your every move are just a part of the ride.

Tell someone.

That’s all it takes to start the process to get back to REAL normal.


So if you’re having thoughts that seem a bit “off” just please talk to someone.

Look into a therapist or a school counselor.

Share your thoughts.

If they seem a bit irrational, they probably are.

I love you.

You are so strong

And this too shall pass.

Because demons aren’t normal,

Don’t listen to the backwards culture we’ve created

And getting rid of them isn’t impossible.

Trust me.

 

 

facebook – Becca Tremmel

instagram – @littlelionbecca

twitter – @littlelionbecca

This dress feels a little too tight.

I feel kinda fat.

When am I going to start working out, jesus.

Do they notice how much I’m pulling at this dress?

I feel like my ass is just out there in the open.

You look anxious.

Stop looking so anxious.

How long has that guy been looking at me?

What is he staring at?

Do I have something on my face?

Does he notice this last-minute pimple that just popped up out of freaking nowhere?

I hate this.

When can we go home?

Is it bad if I ask my friend to go home?

We’ve only been here for an hour.

Shit.

Wait, is that girl walking up to me?

She looks drunk.

I don’t think I remember her name???

Dear god what is she going to say.

“Heyyyyyyy girl, how’re you!!”

 


 

I don’t really consider myself a “fake” person.

I definitely want to come across as “down to earth” and “genuine.”

Does consciously thinking that make me fake?

I dunno.

Whatever.

I’ve struggled with social anxiety for a long time now.

Some days it’s worse than others.

A few years back, I used to blog… a lot.

You probably noticed.

I loved writing about my thoughts.

My life.

My lessons.

Then I kind of phased out of that.

Again, you might’ve noticed.

Mostly because it got to the point where I hated going out.

It terrified me.

Because no matter where I went, who I was with, or what was going on,

Somebody brought up my blogging.

or my chaotic ~love life~

How it offended them or someone they loved.

How I shouldn’t have broken up with that guy.

How that guy should’ve probably broken up with me.

You know, casual party conversations.

 


I started to really care about what people thought of me.

I started to believe that everything that’s ever happened to me wasn’t mine to share.

Like they weren’t my own stories.

I stopped writing for a while.

It was too much.

It was all too much.

And the really shitty thing is,

I love writing.

I love telling stories.

I love sharing.

I love connecting to other human beings.

I love people.

And I was terrified of people.

It caused complete turmoil in my heart and thoughts.

What if I write about this?

No, then that person will be offended.

Okay, well what if I wrote about that?

No, then everyone will believe you’re a basket case.

I used to be bold.

I used to be brave.

By god, my first piece ever was titled “Welcome to the Psych Ward (It’s More Like a Vacation Spot” 

It doesn’t get much bolder than that, friends.

I was outspoken.

But anxiety crippled me.

It suffocated the joy that was bursting inside of me when I wrote.

I allowed the thoughts of other people to define who I was.

Not cool, man.

So I write this to encourage you to look at your choices.

Why do you do the things you do?

Do you make choices based on other peoples’ opinions of you?

Do you not drink in public because you don’t want others to think you’re a drunk?

Or do you not drink in public because you feel safer drinking at home with friends?

Are your choices fear based or faith based?

Do you post obsessively about your relationship because you want all of your followers to believe that you guys are perfectly, hopelessly in love and not self conscious about the relationship?

Or do you post about your relationship because you are actually over the moon happy with this person?

What types of choices do you make?

For a long time, mine were fear based.

100%.

But I’ve learned over that past few years that who I am is not based on someone else’s opinion of me.

I am whoever I decide to be.

You are whoever you decide to be.

I’m a writer.

I’m a sharer.

I’m a story-teller.

I’m a comeback kid.

I’m Becca.

I am a lion.

And I am bold.

 

(Featured Image by: Alyssa Jiosa)