It’s raining harder than it has in years.

The city is asleep as it prepares for another hectic Monday morning.

The pavement glows underneath her as she runs from her car to his doorstep.

She’s breathless

A ball of anxiety

But pounds fearlessly on his door anyway.

Minutes pass as she stares at the ground and bites her lip.

Finally, he pulls open the door.

Shocked.

They haven’t spoken in several months.

But months of silence couldn’t suffocate the four years she’s spent completely in love with him.

Should’ve known better.

She thinks to herself in hindsight.

They stand in complete silence.

Until finally,

“What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know.”

Silence.

Her eyes slowly lift to meet his.

Those perfect, innocent green eyes that have kept her mesmerized for years.

This is it.

They’ve never kissed, surprisingly.

She thought about kissing him every day for four years.

This is it.

This is it.

This is it.

Her mind trips over itself thinking and re-thinking over every possible reaction he could have.

This is it.

She loses eye contact with him when she closes her eyes and inhales the last breath she will ever breathe not having kissed him.
This is it.

All she needs is ten seconds of blinding courage

This is it.

Her legs carry her to him with wavering confidence

This is it.

And she places her hands on either side of his puzzled face

This is it.

And pulls her lips to his

This is it.

And the past four years of frustration,

Anger,

Depression,

Guilt,

And heartbreak

Slowly melt away

Drop by drop

With this one kiss.

The kiss we’ve all been waiting for.

And everything that has bruised her,

Stung her,

Left her broken on the bathroom floor,

Or helpless on her knees

Suddenly all made sense.

Because all of those moments

Brought her to this moment

With him.

And she decides that she would live through those painful moments a thousand times over

As long as they always ended right here

Right now

Her lips on his.

His heart against hers.

Seriously why?

What has he ever done to deserve a sunflower like you?

I know that he used to be a wonderful guy and he even bought you chocolate once or twice.

But that was at the beginning of your relationship.

Now he’s just an ass.


For instance, he asks you to buy his lunch daily because he refuses to get an actual job.

Remember when you had that panic attack because you thought you were about to fail out of school?

And instead of calling me

Your best friend

You called him.

>:(

And he told you that you were being overly dramatic and then hung up.

Do you remember that?

Yeah, I remember that, too.

Or that time you guys had that big fight because he constantly talks to his ex-girlfriends about your relationship’s problems…

Oh but then he manipulated the situation and made it your fault because you didn’t trust him.

ugh.


I’ve kept my mouth shut for so long.

I’ve listened to you tell anticlimactic stories about how his good intentions almost saved the day that one time and it was almost really remarkable.

I’ve heard every “almost” story.

I’ve watched the entire relationship unfold miserably.

And I give you props for being such a forgiving and optimistic person.

But seriously dude

It has to stop.


You are such a stunning human being and it makes me physically ill to watch him treat you the way he does.

Every time he says, “You wear too much makeup.”

or, “You should lose weight.”

or, “Babe, don’t worry it’s just flirting. I’m not cheating on you.”

It hurts me to watch you hurt.

Because you absolutely do not wear too much makeup.

And you are absolutely perfect looking.

And flirting with someone else is absolutely cheating.

I don’t give an eff what he thinks.

Zero effs.

Not one.


At some point you have to realize that you’re worth more, right?

That there has to be a line

One that he cannot blur

One that he cannot cross

Right?

And when the day comes that he attempts to walk across that line you’ll set his ass straight.

Right?


God…

I am so worried for you

And for your heart.

Because every time he does another horrifying thing I witness a small part of who you are disappear into nothing.

I watch pieces of your identity fade away.

You don’t take mesmerizing photos anymore.

You don’t write colorful poetry anymore.

You never talk about God or your solid foundation of faith anymore.

No instead you talk about him and every little thing that he doesn’t like about you.

And every little thing that you need to change about yourself in order to keep him happy.

That terrifies me. 


But still, I have hope.

I hope you rediscover what a lovely soul you are and that your heart is one of the most precious things to exist on this earth.

I hope you find your sense of security in yourself and God rather than in a guy who doesn’t know the difference between love and lust.

I hope you walk outside one day and take some captivating photos.

And I hope you sit down and write a poem that could make a brick wall cry.

And when that beautiful day comes when you decide that you’re done with him,

The day you realize that he is completely full of it.

I will still be here

Ready to key his car

Ready to help you burn all his crap

Ready to do whatever illegal act is necessary to help you feel better

Because we’re best friends and that’s what we do.

But until then,

Whenever you talk about him or even just mention his stupid name,

I will continue to ask..

Every time

“Why the EFF are you dating him?”