Dear Angel,

I know how much pain you’re in. I understand why you’ve made the bathroom floor your home and why you haven’t eaten anything besides cheez-its in over a week. I get it, Angel.

He hurt you.

Angel, I know you don’t want to pick yourself off the ground and limp back to the unforgiving world like nothing ever happened. I know this feels like the end for you.

Or at least you want it to be.

I know you had a panic attack last night that left you screaming and crying while throwing your pillow around the room while his words echoed mercilessly inside your head,

“I don’t love you anymore.”

And I know you’re still in love with him, Angel. I know you thought you were stronger than him.

I know your argument.

“It was 3am and we were laughing harder than my will could take and his blue eyes had never looked more lovely and his thoughts were for my ears only… And I was screwed.”

I’ve heard the things he’s said. I’ve sat in that bed and watched his perfect lips form promising words.

“It’s different with you.”

“You make me feel so comfortable.”

“I’ve never told anyone that.”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

and other things that you know he hasn’t told another soul.

You thought you were different.

And maybe you were.

But maybe that 3am nonsense talk was just that… nonsense.

And maybe he wasn’t showing you broken, scattered pieces of his soul that were for your eyes only.

Maybe they were just words that were mindlessly said after a long, sleepless night.

You thought he’d stay.

I mean he promised, didn’t he?

You let your darkest thought slip out of your mouth and he was still able to find some small light.

He became your light, Angel.

But you need to become your own light.

Because we all say things we don’t mean. We all break promises.

We all get lost in the moment when someone is kissing our neck and we prematurely blurt out,

“I love you.”

We all do stupid things without thinking of the repercussions

We all run around on untouched, fresh snow. We all pick the prettiest flowers and then watch them wilt. We all wear and re-wear our favorite sweater until it tears at the seam.

Sometimes people don’t think, Angel. But that doesn’t mean they’re out to burn you.

Please, Angel, don’t start looking for that darkness in the world.

I know he chased away some really terrifying storms.

I know he said some really wonderful things.

And I know he’s really pretty

…but so are flowers.

Angel you shouldn’t be on the floor. And you shouldn’t grieve over a memory. Because at the end of the day, that’s all he is

…a memory.

I know it hurts right now. Worse than it ever has.

But you have to hold on, Angel

You have to strap your wings back on.

You have to be the stunning light that you are.

Because love will not be the thing that kills you.

That’s unacceptable.

Oh, and one last thing before I go, Angel,

Don’t you dare settle for anything less than heaven.


Someone Who Knows


  1. I.. I can’t even explain how much this helped me. These screenshots are going to be my new homescreen so that I can read them every time I touch my phone (which, as a teenager, is a lot). These are things I need to remember…
    It’s been almost a week, now. Six days. And I still can’t make my heart stop beating for him. But it’s like he blew glass dust into every crevice of it when he told me he didn’t love me anymore and now with every beat it grinds the pain deeper and leaves me aching.
    But the fact is that I won’t be alone forever. And that eventually my efforts to forgive him- or more, to forgive myself for not being enough for him- will culminate and I’ll finally be able to listen to that song without crying and hear his name from our best friend without feeling like the world has been torn from under my feet. And then, eventually, I’ll find someone else. Someone just as beautiful, and as brilliant, and as unique as he. And maybe that someone else will stay.

  2. Thank you for this. It’s been over a year since he left me and I miss him dearly. All my friends think I’m crazy when I say I miss him or if I say I don’t hate him. Because how can you hate someone you were in love with?

  3. I lost my best friend to suicide on the 17th of November, because the boy she loved stopped loving her. Her name is Angel, her name is Angel for a damn good reason. This really hit deep. I only just found your blog and I’ve fallen in love with it.

  4. “And I know he’s really pretty”
    There’s no words to describe how happy I am that there’s people like you in this world – who think the same as I.
    Reading your blog posts on the train this morning has allowed me to feel not so alone in my thoughts.
    Thank you, your mind is beautiful.

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