You want to remain invisible.
I know the demons you’ve walked with for so long have become so normal.
Like they’ve always truly been there.
That’s something I understand completely.
I can’t remember a day on this earth before I had demons.
They sit with me.
They go to work with me.
They sleep in my bed.
They watch me sing.
And write songs.
They come to me in dark dreams.
And worst of all, when I’m having an intimate moment with someone I love.
They never leave.
I’m not sure if they ever will.
But the danger of walking around with your demons so often is they can be normalized.
Demons are not normal, sweet one.
They shouldn’t be dragging you down at every moment of the day.
They shouldn’t be giving you panic attacks after a passionate kiss with someone you love and trust.
They shouldn’t sit with you as you stare in the mirror and cut your hair with scissors out of pure mania.
They shouldn’t exist so effortlessly in your life.
They’re not supposed to be there.
Some may even joke about how normal these demons are and the mental problems that affect so many hurting people.
Our culture has become quite disturbing in that sense, when you truly think about it.
We’ve normalized depression, anxiety and other mental disorders so much to the point that we joke about them constantly.
You can’t get on twitter without seeing a joke about depression or suicide.
I’ve always been an advocate for ending the stigma that comes with mental health issues.
That’s a beautiful thing.
But normalizing these issues is not okay.
It’s gotten to the point that it’s weird NOT to have to depression or anxiety.
So our culture has convinced itself that everyone on the planet has mental issues or we joke about their existence on Twitter just to fit in.
That is so gross to me.
And it’s particularly horrible for people who truly suffer with these issues.
Depression and Anxiety and many other disorders are treatable.
Most of them aren’t supposed to last forever.
And with therapy, medication, and a healthy lifestyle switch, most of these disorders are treatable.
But this whole “you’re not normal unless you’re suicidal” culture is not okay.
Because it normalizes suicide.
And suicide isn’t normal.
Now on a personal note,
I think we allow ourselves to be accustomed to the demons and depression and the disturbing thoughts that invade our psyche.
When I was 20, I was committed to a psychiatric hospital.
It was actually the reason I wrote my first blog.
I don’t remember everything from that week of my life, all I remember is wanting to end my life.
I had a date picked out.
I had a plan.
And my friends, family and even my acquaintances completely freaked out.
Back then, I kept thinking that everyone was being dramatic.
That I didn’t want to make a “big deal” out of the situation.
I only told one or two people how bad my PTSD was because I was afraid that people would exaggerate and freak out.
Looking back on it now,
Of course they did.
Of course they committed me to that hospital.
I was a threat to my own life.
However, I was desensitized to the demons and the thoughts in my brain that I had convinced myself that MY thoughts were rational.
And everyone else was being insane.
It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you might just be irrational,
But it’s taking a step back,
Really listening to yourself and speaking to others to figure out that your thoughts may not be all that normal.
Now, after years of therapy and one hospitalization, I’ve learned that for me, I just pretend that a close friend is talking to me.
As if I were listening to someone I loved dearly sharing their thoughts with me instead of the thoughts being my own.
If those thoughts were coming from a dear loved one, would I be concerned?
If yes, then I know that those thoughts aren’t rational. Its just the demons normalizing their existence again.
I know how hard it is to ask for help.
I know how hard it is to put yourself in the spotlight and say “hi I’m not okay” because that’s too much attention.
I really get it.
But it all starts with telling someone.
As soon as those thoughts are said out loud, God and the rest of the world will do whatever it takes to bring you back to a healthy place.
It may all sound really dramatic, honestly it did to me too.
However, it all comes from a place of love.
People in your life love you and they want you to be okay,
So swallow your pride, dear one, and your beliefs that this is all “normal” and the demons following your every move are just a part of the ride.
That’s all it takes to start the process to get back to REAL normal.
So if you’re having thoughts that seem a bit “off” just please talk to someone.
Look into a therapist or a school counselor.
Share your thoughts.
If they seem a bit irrational, they probably are.
I love you.
You are so strong
And this too shall pass.
Because demons aren’t normal,
Don’t listen to the backwards culture we’ve created
And getting rid of them isn’t impossible.
facebook – Becca Tremmel
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